Forget all the transfer bowlucks eschewing from the media, tonight's most important bit of news for West Ham is that the Boys are back in town, well almost! MoKudus and Jarrod Bowen are ready to take up where they left off before the winter break for AFCON and the Premier League.

Only Lucas Paqueta is likely to be missing from the three 'musketeers' Hammers front line and there is even an outside chance that Hammers Brazilian magnifico 'Pacman' might make the bench.

In the year 2000, the Swedish government paid the rock band Europe a king's ransom to play their hit 'The Final Countdown' at midnight to usher in the new millenium.

With the transfer window due to 'slam shut', funny how no one seems to be gentle with it isn't it? The usual media frenzy has begun as to who will end up where. What is obvious is that the sceptre of FFP hangs over club chairman's heads like the sword of Damocles and has had a catastrophic effect on agents' earnings which is why the unsocked Gucci shoe wearers have been seen braving the cold as they attempt to 'hustle up' deals in order to keep them in the style to which they have become accustomed, (sic) the poor dears!

Hammers transfer supremo Tim Steidten is juggling with the limited finances and assets available to him in order to facilitate as many as TEN signings, both in and out of the club. Whether the deals can be got over the line before February the 1st is debatable, but he seems determined to give it a good try!

Those attending the 'viagra and acid' rave down at Stockley Park were 'well impressed' by the lavish spread laid on by Robert Jones enterprises who specialise in 'elite' VIP parties for privileged footballers and Z list 'soshall' media celebrities.

" The light show was fantastic " said one female party goer who was still able to string a cohesive sentence together, but he friend summed up the party atmosphere by saying Jones's body make up stole the show!

Once an ever present 'sparky' adopted 'Cockerney' who lit up the pitch while wearing the Claret & Blue, Pablo Fornals has descended into a shadow of the player he once was. His performace today against Sheffield Utd was truly woeful and followed on from his previous awful performances against Bristol City and Brighton.

Gone are his bursting runs and Duracell bunny running from box to box, his eye for a goal has completely left his repertoire, instead being replaced with a sideways or backwards pass that invariably puts a team mate in trouble.

Sheffield: Foderingham, Ahmedhodzic (C), Robinson, Trusty, Bogle, Souza, Hamer, McAtee, Brereton Diaz, Brooks, Osula Subs: Amissah, Brewster, McBurnie, Archer, Norwood, Osborn, Norrington-Davies, Seriki, Buyabu.
West Ham: Areola, Mavropanos, Zouma (C), Emerson, Coufal, Fornals, Soucek, Ward-Prowse, Cornet, Bowen, Ings Subs: Scarles, Cresswell, Marshall, Johnson, Mubama, Casey, Fabianski, Orford, Ogbonna

Back in the day, it was not uncommon for a certain player to run on the pitch at the Boleyn to be greeted with a chorus of "you're not fit to wear the shirt" within a couple of minutes of taking to the field.

Of course over the years the player's name changed but the sentiment remained the same, wearing the Claret and Blue was an absolute honour and one that a player had to be well and truly proud of!

Bristol: O'Leary, Tanner, Vyner, Dickie, Mccrorie, Williams, James (C), Pring, Gardner-Hickman, Mehmeti, Conway
West Ham: Fabianski, Coufal, Zouma (C), Mavropanos, Cresswell, Emerson, Soucek, Ward-Prowse, Benrahma, Cornet, Ings. Subs: Areola, Anang, Johnson, Ogbonna, Casey, Scarles, Mubama, Marshall

What is it with West Ham? Past serial offenders in the transfer market, the club look to have finally turned the corner with the appointment of Tim Steidten to oversee transfers, hoping to NEVER repeat the sort of deal that brought 'uncle' Danny Ings to the club in a deal that still sees the Aston Villa board opening each of their meetings with a 'rousing cheer' for the 'operative' who set the deal in motion!