Football should not surprise any of us but Tuchels sacking from Chelsea yesterday and the seemingly imminent arrival of Potter which would cost all told something in the region of £36million pound well i for one am happy that we are not run by American owners.

And to top it all and i could not help but shake my head in disbelief Brighton v Crystal Palace has been called off because of a train strike! how can that be agreed by the league and what kind of precedent does that set?the decision to my mind is laughable and somewhat surprised Palace have agreed to it i mean coaches and cars are available no doubt but i guess i am living in a bygone era.

Crazy crazy crazy this world of football today.

The Flying Physio Room…Ep LXXI

Monday 5 September….12:56….overcast yet muggy…a challenging wardrobe day…

The clouds of dust from the gravelled car park finally evaporated…the comings and goings of the morning dissipating…

Muyles sat at his desk. The sphygmomanometer wrapped around his arm was uncomfortable but a necessity after Saturday. His face had become so crimson, flights at city airport were grounded as aircraft were attracted to it…but who could blame him. Muyles pushed his plate of haggis away, untouched. Kev knew things were bad when the gaffer didn’t touch his haggis.

“Calm down, calm down gaffer…its been n’ gone. Nutin’ we can do about it now lad” Kev offered…

Muyles was cracking his knuckles “Its just nee right Kev…I cannae take it. Och, every time, and what do we get? A hands up that that they get it wrong? That duz nee help me pal”

Kev looked to the ground. He knew the gaffer was right…

Muyles looked at the reading – 180-110…a bead of sweat ran down his forehead…he knew this game would be the death of him. He tore the Velcro strap off his arm and reached for his bottle of Gaviscon. Glugging down the glupey mixture he felt his heart beat slow….calm yourself David, he kept the words in his head…the games were coming thick and fast now and he needed to keep himself match fit…

“Right Kev, gimme the role call, who we got and who we divnee?”

“Right gaffer, Craig’s still cryin in de lav…he’s not right boss. Says no one loves him anymore, not with you buying centre halve like their, and I quote, going outta fashion. His kid ‘as purra poster of Thiloo on his wall too, tearing down ‘is Dads…”

“Jesus Mother and Mary…” Mules rubbed his eyes

“Aggerd has taken to the physio room really well, he loves the environment in there. Keeps asking who Andy is, apparently his name is written all over the place in there. Rumour is he’s staying in there really late, so he obvs taking the treatment really seriously”

Muyles rolled his eyes “Either that or he’s forgotten he’s a player….that room does things to men…we may need to get a priest in to inspect that room, make a note Kev”

“Aye gaffer….erm…Coofal came to me first thing this morning. Apparently he broke the bathroom mirror trying to swat a fly, mistakenly opened his umbrella indoors when rushing out the door to get the bus and walked under ladder…apart from that he says he feels good and his form is coming back”

Muyle rolled his eyes…

“Decs got his full time massagist now. Mainly concentrating on his jowls, that constant smiling was taking its toll. He also wondered if he could get off training early tomorrow to go on Loose Women?”

Muyles was mid Gaviscon hearing this last part, the reaction was so violent he spat the pink glupey liquid all over the filing cabinet “Jesus to God, what on earth is going on with that boy?!, No, absolutely not!!”

“Noted boss, its sound…Oh, Angello wants to change positions in the changing room, says ‘ees sick of Bowwen facetiming ‘is girlfriend, its making ‘im retch”

Muyles nodded “aye, know how he feels…and what abewt Scaramanga? I’ve nay seen him for a few days?”

“Oh, sure, he’s good now. Said the lasagne turned him inside out, but he went to the tattoo parlour and feels 100% now”

Muyles belched, a Gaviscon bubble emitted from his mouth and gently floated toward the window…at the same time a thunderous knock shook the portacabin door before it flew open…

The delegation marched in forthright, Brody led the charge, with Sully, Kretansky and then Guld, still housed in his cryo chamber, wheeled along by the 2 assistants.

“Good morning Mr Muyles, Mr Noland, and how are we all on this fine day?” Brody bellowed

Muyles fought to keep down another belch, his stomach growling “Well not great afta’ the weekend of course, ‘arm still furious, we should be lodging official complaints here!”

“Oh please, let bygones be bygones. Swings and roundabouts and all that. We don’t want to be causing a scene with our West London neighbours, makes us look petty, now to other business” Brody interjected…

Muyles turned and looked out of the window, muttering obscenities under his breath…

“We need to consider how to generate more income. Mr Kretansky has been more than generous in this window. But he is entitled to see money flowing both ways. Not to mention those petty postal workers wanting to loaf around rather than work, goodness knows what’s happening with this work shy country. Now, I’ve some ideas” Brody beamed…

“Ay, bet ya fackin do” muttered Kev

“Pardon, what was that Mr Noland?” intervened Brody

“I just Ay, we’re all ears” Kev retorted quickly

“Excellent, well, easy early starters. Paying for the toilets. I think £1 is more than reasonable. Train stations employ this practice and I think we can take advantage of this. Also, anyone with a BMI of over 25 has to pay for 2 tickets. They will be taking up more room, therefore we should be benefitting, not to mention the stress this puts on the seat. Thoughts?” Brody was incredibly proud of herself

“Genius, chip off the old block you girl” Sully replied “Always ahead of the curve, brilliant ideas. Tell you what, implement them first, then consult the fans afterwards, they’ll appreciate the rapid work”

Kretansky sat, crossed legged, his shiny red cowboy boots proudly jutting from the bottom of his blue suit. The white cat appeared to go with him everywhere…snoozing on his lap as the Czech billionaire stroked is fluffy fur “I am liking the initiative, but, how we say, do we think it go far enough? Can we charge a toll to cross the bridges to the stadium for example? This to me seems like a practical initiative. Those bridges are vital, I think we say £2 per person yes?”

“I love this guy!!” bellowed Sully

“And in my country” Kretansky continued, “people who, how you say, oppose the rules…we have special method for dealing with those…particularly those not meeting expectations”…Kretansky eyes moved to Muyles…

“Right, thanks for the catch up everyone” Moyes interjected hurriedly “But I have training to conduct. Big game Thursday and Sunday!”

Muyles jogged out the door, Kev close by…”We need to turn this round and quick lad, I divnee like the vibes off that one” muttered Muyles, quickly looking over his shoulder…

Kretansky’s eyes were trained on the scot as he jogged away…”Until we meet again My Muyles"...

Arguably on paper best squad we've ever had & if all fit what would your ideal line up be?
Mine would be - Nipples
Coufal Dawson Zouma Hehrer/ Og
Bowen Rice 2 pints/ Benny Cornet
Scam Ants
We all know moyes will always play souscek,fornals,cress,Emerson & Ants so I'm probably way off the mark but I feel there's goals in that line up....thoughts anyone?

Those points lost at Chelsea yesterday afternoon could already have a big say in how the season finishes.Mistakes by officials today compounded by technology could mean the difference between qualifying for a european spot in the league or not and the same for relegation positions though i do not see that for us.Officials nowadays seem to question there own ability to make a decision and like in any Job being monitored second guessed you begin to lose confidence in your own ability and decision making and that for me is what is happening to the referee in todays game.

Referees on the pitch need to stand by there decisions and not just accept that they must be wrong as they have been told to have a look at the monitor until that happens we will have many more matches like this where VAR and the officials affect the result.

I understand that the official at the Forest game yesterday sent to the monitor but rejected VARs decision is very refreshing and hopefully that will become the norm unless a glaring error is made i feel VAR needs to remain silent and let the refs ref the match.

Chelski very vulnerable at the back right now have trouble scoring and playing in front of there plastic fans nerves will be on show for sure......So Moyes we all no the opening 15mins will be a time to concentrate and be at our best defensively but as long as they do not score in that period then we have to be brave get at them push some players forward not sit back just outside our own box hoping to hold out for a draw.....this game is very winnable we just have to believe it so FFS MOYES do not send the players out with the same attitude you did against Citeh believing we cant win because we bloody well can you want to make a statement make it at the Bridge this weekend......COYI

What struck me most last night whilst at the match was how we seem to lack leadership on and off the pitch i look at Moyes he hardly inspires and sadly Declan may be Captain but that is in name only he was not giving players a verbal volley for not closing down or getting stuck in he was not urging more from his teammates no for me he looks like the kid in the playground enjoying playing in a game but not responsible for anything else.Looking at the squad who really is a leader one other players respect and will listen to during the game?.Fabs a gk as a captain does not work for me Zouma does not have the presence Cressy Coufal a no Lanzini Benny Fornals Bowen no the only one for me is Dawson and he will be leaving today i think so quite the rudderless ship at the moment.

Noble should be on staff and on the sideline he can gee the players up and dig them out when needed he has there respect and clearly knows whats what during a game on the pitch as i say leadership cannot be taught you are either born with it or not.As an aside to that look at the current state of those who would be our next PM they hardly inspire and again certainly not leaders we all know one when we see one.

And in true West Ham style the club rip the arse out of each signing. If he is not available for Tottenham it's a disgrace. Apparently the medical is complete but needs to be registered by midday tomorrow. Probably blame it on Bank Holiday.

https://www.independent.ie/sport/soccer/pattern-is-repeating-for-david-…

Watched an old Big Match(still love the opening music)other night West Ham v Newcastle one sub only! ahhh them the days anyway i was looking at the lineups and i rmbr going to the game but what i did not rmbr and even now i think really he played for Newcastle i could not believe it..who you ask? well Peter Withe is the player i thought he only played for Villa lol but guess its because of there European Cup win is the reason behind that......and all these years on i still only picture Andy Gray scoring the league cup final winner for Wolves over all else...the mind does seem to fog somewhat it appears.

Three midfielders i feel that should not start a match for us and just be options from the bench.

Lanzini to my mind never has gotten over that terrible injury that prevented him from going to the world cup and has been nowhere near the player that he once was for me.

Soucek his form has fallen off the biggest cliff i have ever known and i cannot work out why? yes he scored against Viborg but that for me was down to the opposition.

Downes a new arrival and from hearing our manager not quite sure on this player now a certain name comes to mind from the recent past and that is Jordan Hugil will Downes suffer the same fate? very enthusiastic and a West Ham boy but will that be enough for our manager?judging on kral and Vlasic last season i think its most likely not.

So where does that leave our midfield options? it is Rice and one other but who? Coventry? Fornals? or if we get them these new men Paqueta or Vanaken?

The engine room of our squad is currently running on one cylinder and that right now needs a service a lot of weight put on that young mans shoulders right now and he needs help fast.